7 Things I Learned on My Journey to True Love

As you may have heard, I met the love of my life through The Huffington Post. Who knew a mouthy manifesto I wrote after a bad post-divorce date would lead me to my very own Magic Mike, a man who makes me giggle like a school girl on HuffPost Live?

Honestly, being struck by lightening and resuscitated by Channing Tatum himself would have seemed more in the realm of possibility.

You see, I have had a black cloud stalking me for decades. At 42, I have done it all... dating (high school, college, adult... oh my!), flings, short-and long-term relationships, tripping down the aisle. Nursing a shattered heart, I convinced myself that I gave birth to the man who would piece me back together. I flirted. I dated. I dreamed. But I didn't think my soulmate was in the forecast.

Here's seven things I learned on my terrifyingly dark, unpaved third world country type of road to happiness (chock full of I-need-a-barf-bag-to-deal-with-twists-and-turns moments).

1. It happens when you least expect it. It's so annoying but it's so true. If you told me my dream guy would read my post, which was basically designed to rip men a collective new a$$, and relate to my rant enough to craft a thoughtful response, I would have laughed. Hell, I would have scoffed. Cackled, maybe. But that's exactly what happened.

2. Be fierce. Repeatedly striking out in love is a gift. When you f*ck up, you lose your fear of failure. Empowered by my perfectly imperfect track record, I was unabashedly myself when I met Mike. I didn't sacrifice one ounce of who I am and he adores me anyway.

3. Be open (just not in a prostitute kind of way). Date against type, my friends. I am infatuated with a man I would have discounted under traditional dating circumstances. I am a serial plant killer and he is a gardner extraordinaire. Come football season, we will be screaming for different teams in our living room. We will definitely vote for sparring politicians. But, wow, the synergy, the sparks, the soulful love we have is undeniable.

4. Kiss frogs. Come on now, don't be shy. Every single frog -- even the wart covered ones who get off hearing themselves ribbit -- are a value add. They teach you about yourself if you listen. They bring you closer to your proverbial prince.

5. It's cosmic. Finding true love is a spiritual awakening. It's intuitive. You just know. When you cross paths with your soulmate, love blooms faster than a celebrity dons extensions after a bad haircut. It's involuntary.

A soul connection differs from a honeymoon phase type of giddiness. The person is a natural extension of you, without warning, without effort, without compromise. The attraction is wild. When you hold hands, there's an electric current, there's a perfect fit. The amount of time you've been together doesn't matter; the time you spent apart does.

6. Haters exist. Some people despise happy endings. They don't believe in fairytales. Others are jealous. I have a friend who has been dismissive about my relationship since the beginning. Readers have left dozens of negative comments. I knew the first time I spoke to Mike that he was like no other. He understood me without explanation. Trust your gut, the telltale signs, the palpable energy. Haters be damned.

7. Live in hope. I have paid my misery dues for a lifetime. I buried my beautiful mom and filed for divorce months later. I have been lied to, spit on, let down. I have felt excruciating pain. I have been emotionally abandoned. I have lost. I ended relationships that weren't right even though I knew I would be criticized for my choices. Despite everything, I always basked in the rays of hope. I believed in brighter tomorrows. And, finally, my day has come.

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Four Ways to Protect Heirlooms from a Family Feud

By Jurado & Farshchian, P.L. - North Miami, Florida

The passing of family heirlooms from one generation to another should be a welcome tradition in most families, but unfortunately, this process can cause long-lasting family rifts if not done properly. There are many stories of families that have split over a silver tea service or a portrait of a long-dead ancestor.

House Move Gone Wrong - Suing My Conveyancer

By Levi Solicitors LLP - Leeds, England

Moving home is a stressful experience at the best of times. Luckily you can entrust your conveyancing solicitor to sort all legal aspects - content that they know best and one less concern for you! However, what do you do when moving house goes terribly wrong?

Prisoner Rights While Incarcerated

By HG.org - Houston, Texas

The United States Constitution provides certain rights to all individuals, even those who are locked up for engaging in criminal activity. Prisoners who are aware of their rights may choose to make a claim against the prison where they are housed if these rights are being violated.

What's in a Name?

I remember when I decided to do it.

I had just filed for divorce. It was liberating, knowing I'd done something proactive for my emotional and psychological well-being. After I gave my (now) ex the ultimatum of "me, or everyone else in a skirt" (guess which he chose?), I hired a lawyer, filed the paperwork, and was on my way.

I decided to change my last name. Not back to my maiden name; no, I hadn't been that person for nearly 20 years. And I didn't want to wait until after the divorce, I wanted to do it now. It was a further step to heal, another step in the direction to reclaim my own life. And it was the right decision.

Now, what name did I want to reflect me? What name did I want to represent "me" to the outside world?

To be, or not to be, Smith or Jones. That was the question.

I wrote down or typed into my cell phone every name I came across that I liked. From looking through books on my coffee table, watching TV and movies; perusing magazines, bookshelves at the library, FaceBook, and bookshelves at Barnes & Noble; mulling names over-heard in conversations standing in line; to (more) perusing of used-books store shelves, place names on maps, family trees, cemeteries (really, headstones are a bounty of monikers!), other people's bookshelves... you get the idea.

My long list devised, now needed some serious weeding. I would practice introducing myself out loud using the names I'd found.

That lopped off at least 1/3 of the list.

Anything too alliterative ("Dana Douglas" anyone?) was just too much for me and was promptly pulled. Pondering some of the names over a short period of time also thinned the crop.

What remained was a list of a dozen or so names. I pulled out one of my small yellow legal pads and began writing my first and possible new last name.

First, middle, last.

First, middle initial, last.

First initial, middle initial, last.

Monogram (very important, it turns out, so that you don't inadvertently spell something nasty).

I narrowed the list to three.

And then couldn't make up my mind.

Someone suggested I look up the meaning of each name -- WHY I hadn't thought of that before completely escapes me (I am a huge etymological junkie!). And it turned out to be the key to the magic garden gate.

I won't give you all of Merriam and Webster's thoughts on the finalists. Suffice it to say when I came upon the definition "to rise above," I knew I'd found my prize rose.

There were only two people with whom I discussed my name change before I began the actual legal proceedings: my son, and my Dad.

With Z, I asked him how he'd feel having a different last name than me. He was 9 at the time. Without looking up from the Harry Potter book he was reading, he replied, "Mom, half the kids in my class have parents with different last names."

Ok then.

With Dad, I was more concerned he'd feel, well, insulted. I didn't want him to think I was turning my back on his name, or that I didn't like it. Not at all. I needed him to understand I was doing this FOR ME, and that it actually didn't have anything to do with my initial last name at all.

His reaction? "That's very cool."

All righty! Down to the nitty gritty then!

File all the correct papers with the court. Run the ad in the local newspaper three times. Back to the court to give them the affidavit that proves you've had the ad run three times. Then wait for a court date. The whole process takes anywhere from 6-8 weeks from start to finish.

In the meantime, I decided to have a party.

I asked all my good friends to join me at our church chapel on Valentine's Day. My court date was for two days later where it would actually become LEGAL for me to use it in public. But that Valentine's Day was really when I began the journey reflecting who I was to become.

It was a short, but meaningful little ceremony. So many friends came -- although I think maybe it was as much curiosity about my new name (I actually managed to keep it a secret for 6 weeks!). Afterwards, we all went back to my house for food and drink and laughter. And champagne. You really can't have a proper celebration without bubbles.

Good thing we had lots of those bubbles because the real work was about to begin.

Choosing a new name is slightly akin to choosing a major in college: you hope you still like it after the first year because going through the process of changing it is a real pain.

Driver's license, passport, social security card, credit cards, bank accounts, post office, library, voter registration, magazine subscriptions... and then trying to explain it to the rest of the world.

"No, it's not my maiden name."

"No, I didn't remarry."

After that, people who didn't know the story just stared -- where else would a name possibly come from?

Then I'd explain. Most of the time I was met with happy surprise, "Oh, that's neat!" or "What a great idea!" or "You go girl!" Other times people looked at me as if I was breaking the law, or had two heads. Sometimes both. I'll admit, the first time I came up against "Well that's kind of stupid," it was very deflating. Here I was doing something I was so excited about, that meant so much to me! Why couldn't they see it that way? A friend reminded me I was doing it for me and no one else. And she was right. I still come across people who just can't wrap their heads around MY choice, and that's ok.

Shortly after I'd changed my name, I met another woman going through her divorce. She asked if I was keeping the married name or going back to my maiden name. When I told her about choosing my own last name, her eyes widened and she whooped -- she ACTUALLY made the "whoop" sound -- and said, "I'm going to do that!"

That's me: spreading sunshine and dissent amongst the masses, one person at a time.

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Top 6 Reasons You Should Take the Job Despite Your Divorce

Marcy hadn't worked in four years and suddenly was faced with an amazing six-figure job offer -- but the offer came right in the middle of her extremely nasty divorce. "Should I take it?" she asked. "What about child support? Alimony? Custody?" My answer was absolutely YES -- take the job! Here are my top six reasons why you should take the job, regardless of your divorce:

1. Financial Control. When you rely on your spouse for support, you lose control over your finances. In a divorce setting, this can mean you go for months without support because your spouse is playing games to punish you for the divorce. Yes, there may be a court order, but that doesn't mean he is following it! It takes money in legal fees to enforce it, meanwhile your mortgage is due. Earning your own money gives you control over your finances. You become self-reliant. There is no amount of money that is worth not having to beg for it. You may have to wait for various support checks, but your paycheck is secure.

2. Confidence. If you have been at home for some time, either by job loss or choice, being out in the working world can be a huge confidence boost. In addition to meeting new friends and having time to focus on something other than your divorce, you are acquiring skills that can make you feel good about yourself. Feeling good about yourself will lead to new internal strength that you need to survive a nasty divorce.

3. Custody. "If I go to work, I'll lose my kids." I have never had a case where a parent was deemed unfit because he or she works. There are many factors for determining custody and "working" is not the standard. Children need to go to school. Parents need to support their kids. Most judges will see you getting back to work as a positive development -- after all, you are doing everything you can to make your household a great place for your child. Remember, you cannot cut short the other parent's time with the kids by simply staying at home. Time with the kids is precious, and you will have to learn how to share regardless.

4. Child Support. When Marcy and I sat down and ran the numbers, the numbers shifted by only 5 percent. She would lose a little and gain an entire income of her own. In many cases women are paid far less and the cost of daycare can feel overwhelming. Make sure you talk to your lawyer about each spouse's contribution to the cost of daycare in addition to basic child support. The math may not make sense in the short run, but you must look at the big picture. A career can last a lifetime, whereas child support will absolutely end. There are also some intangibles that must be considered: control over your life and confidence that a job will provide.

5. Alimony. Courts are shying away from long-term alimony awards and starting to view alimony as a short-term solution to help a spouse get back to work. Talk to your lawyer about how much alimony you might get, but remember that in many cases alimony is taxable to you as income. Compare whether the amount you will earn at your job is going to be more than the amount of alimony you would receive, but also factor in the long-term benefit of a career that pays you until you retire (compared to only few years of alimony). Do not cut your finances to receive more in the short-term, because you may be hurting your resume and career in the long-run.

6. Divorce is not forever. Contrary to the popular saying, the divorce process will come to an end and life goes on. What will you do with your new life? Establishing a career and getting back to work now can set you up for your new life once the case is over.

Have you been faced with a career opportunity that happened while your divorce was in progress? How did you resolve getting to work during your case? Discuss in the comments.

This post was originally published on The Divorce Artist.

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