Life After Divorce: The Male Dichotomy?

I present here a hypothesis that men, after divorce, choose one of two essential pathways for their future. I hope to introduce an idea for discussion, and for divorced men, to provide a construct for decision-making about your future. I do not aim to judge this decision although I have chosen one over the others for myself. The two basic pathways I see are:

• The pathway toward a monogamous "coupled" relationship. Men in this category may be hesitant to enter a "full-blown" relationship, but are at least open to the idea that, if they meet an exceptional person they are open to the possibility of being coupled, or



• Remain strongly averse to marriage or being constrained by being anything but single. Men in this category may actively date but strongly emphasize their desire to remain uncoupled. Some men may shun dating altogether.

Wanting to remarry is a pretty understandable position that is only complicated by how much divorce sucks. All divorced people got married before, which implies (at least) that we wanted to be married. A significant part of a man's life (whether previously married or not) is spent pondering this question. "Should I stay single, date around, or settle down". Probably the same is true for women, although I can't speak as confidently about that. But in my search for male role models for how to move on after divorce I have made many observations and I see these patterns. Either a man desires to return to married life, at least being open to that scenario, or he wants nothing to do with being married again. Two different paths not unfamiliar to any man despite their status as married, divorced, or single.

So what changes in our lives that we would change our mind? Some men see the opportunity of divorce as a chance to live their future unconstrained by a coupled relationship. These men are not necessarily changed but want to pursue paths more easily followed alone. One example I know is a snowboarder who travels the world working short-term jobs that facilitate him hitting the mountain at every possible opportunity. A partner might compromise his freedom. Some of these men are often empathetic about the impact their lifestyles would have on a partner and choose to be uncoupled because they know it would be challenging for a partner.

I can totally understand the mindset of never wanting to remarry. Not remarrying means fewer obligations, not having more kids, and avoiding the negative aspects of marriage that played into us being divorced in the first place. Not remarrying also provides the freedom to experience more relationships, or to maximize the early stages of dating that tend to wane as relationships age. I get it; serial dating or even not dating at all can be easier than nurturing a successful marriage.

Choosing not to remarry is an understandable position, but I am concerned that this option is often selected to protect ourselves and not because it is something we actually want. I understand this mindset mostly because I spent a lot of time being directed by fear. I was very fearful, post-divorce, of getting into a future relationship only to repeat the same mistakes I had made in my first marriage. I was so overcome by fear that I did not want to remarry and it made dating very complicated. It took a lot of counseling for me to understand that I really did want to try again but was letting fear convince me otherwise. I was allowing low self-esteem associated with divorce, the statistics that suggest second marriages are harder, and the fear of being hurt again, to decide my future. I believe many men choose not to pursue relationships post-divorce out of fear and want divorced people to make decisions based on their authentic goals and not be clouded by the pain of divorce. Like all those articles say, we have to move beyond the pain and allow ourselves to live our lives. We owe it to ourselves, having been through divorce, to choose our futures.

Whatever you choose to do with your life after a divorce, it should come from a place where the pain of divorce does not cloud your decision. At the very least, divorce provides an opportunity to decide what you want for your future. The advice provided to me was not to let fear determine how you approach that opportunity. Though my second marriage is complicated by blending families, I feel incredibly grateful to those who helped me let go of the past and not let fear drive my future.

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10 Tips for How to Co-Parent Without Killing Your Ex!

Anyone who thinks co-parenting is easy has probably never tried it themselves! Even if you and your ex did your best to "consciously uncouple," you are still likely to push each other's buttons from time to time after your divorce. If your divorce was more like World War III than a civilized split, your co-parenting afterwards is going to be even more challenging.



As parents, we all know that it is better for our kids if we get along ... but it isn't easy! Here are 10 tips to help you and your ex smooth out the bumps in your co-parenting relationship.





1. Discuss how you will handle important parenting issues BEFORE you divorce. Many people make the mistake of not talking about hot button parenting issues until after they are divorced. While avoiding difficult conversations might make your divorce smoother initially, it can make your life after divorce total hell. It is far better to deal with the issues you know are there while you are still going through your divorce, than it is to go back to court and fight about them afterward.



2. Create a dispute resolution process in your divorce judgment. No matter how much you try to resolve your parenting issues before you divorce, inevitably things will come up after your divorce that you never thought about. For that reason, your divorce judgment needs to lay out a dispute resolution process. For example, you might say that if you and your ex disagree on an important issue, you will try to talk about it in person first, then go to a mediator before either of you can go to court.



3. Learn to communicate in a way that doesn't make you crazy! If talking to your ex grates on your very last nerve, then find a way to communicate that isn't as bad. Use email. Use text messaging. Use technology. A shared Google calendar can keep everyone on the same page with your kids' activities. If that doesn't work, there are lots of online tools that will help you and your ex communicate, schedule the kids' activities, and keep track of expenses, without ever having to have a face to face conversation. (CLICK HERE to get your FREE Parenting Tools Resource Guide.)



4. Assume Good Intent. When your marriage dissolves, so does the trust that you once had with your ex. So, when your ex brings the kids to your house late, or changes the schedule at the last minute because of a work commitment, or makes a questionable parenting choice, you assume your ex is irresponsible, disrespectful, and purposely annoying. If, instead of assuming the worst, you make it a rule to assume the best until you are shown otherwise, you will be amazed at how your relationship with your ex (and your stress level) change.



5. Minimize the Opportunity for Conflict. As parents, you and your ex are both entitled to get your kids' report cards, school notices, medical records and activity schedules. You can save yourself a lot of grief if you list both you and your ex as parents on all official documents, and require the school, sports teams, etc. to send both of you duplicate notices about what is happening with your child. That way, one parent is not responsible for keeping the other in the loop.



6. Resist the Urge to Bad-Mouth Your Ex. Your child is entitled to have a good relationship with both of his/her parents. Don't sabotage that by talking badly about your ex in front of your kid ... even if your ex has no problem talking badly about you! While taking the high road may require you to bite your tongue so hard that it bleeds right now, in the end your kid will understand and appreciate your self-restraint.



7. Stay Focused on the Kids. Limit your conversations with your ex to the information you need to convey that is related to your kids. Resist the urge to analyze or criticize your ex. Don't pump your ex for information on his/her love life. Don't bring up arguments about the past. Talk about the kids, and only about the kids.



8. Stop Trying to Control Your Ex. It is easy to use the kids to control your ex without even realizing that is what you are doing. If you find that you are refusing to change weekends so that your ex can go on vacation with his/her new squeeze, or you insist that your ex do exactly what you say with the kids, or you withhold money you know your ex needs because s/he is not spending it the way that you think is right, are you really doing what is best for your kids? Or, are you trying to control your ex? The minute to let go of trying to control your ex, co parenting with him/her will instantly become easier.



9. Use the 10 Second Rule. When your ex does something that you consider to be completely insane, or surprises you with bad news in front of the kids, take a deep breath and count to ten before you say a word. Your kids are watching your reaction. Your ex is too. The more you can keep your cool and not explode, the more you will save your kids from having to endure another emotional hurricane. Then, when you have gotten your blood pressure to stop pushing through the top of your head, you can (hopefully) have a more rational, and productive, conversation with your ex.



10. Manage Your Expectations. Parenting is the hardest job on the planet. Co parenting takes that job and increases the difficulty level by 10x. If you go into co parenting with the expectation that your ex is going to parent the same way that you do, or that s/he is always going to agree with you, or let you have your way, you are going to spend most of your children's childhood fighting with your ex. If you adjust your expectations so that they are realistic, instead of idealistic or rigid, you will be a lot less stressed out, your kids will be happier, and co parenting will be much, much easier.



If you want to get a handy one-page Parenting Tools Resource Guide listing 7 of the best automated parenting tools, CLICK HERE.

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What Attorneys Need to Know To Draft Third Party Logistics (TPL) Contracts

By The Law Offices of R. Sebastian Gibson - Palm Desert, California

Third party logistics (TPL and 3PL) contracts are some of the most complicated agreements an attorney can draft. For the manufacturer entering into an agreement with a third party logistics provider, or a new entity providing logistics services, well-drafted and negotiated third party logistics contracts are essential to protect profits and exclude liability for damages or unforeseen additional costs.

Dating as a Divorce Attorney

I have had quite a few clients ask my advice recently about "dating after divorce". Of course, I refer them to Dating After Divorce right here on the Huffington Post. However, this question got me to thinking, what about dating for the single divorce attorney. . .? After all, divorce attorneys experience almost all of the turbulence of the divorce process that the parties do (i.e. a-hole adversaries, biased judges, vengeful exes). The emotional toll that divorce litigation takes on the parties is virtually unparalleled in the world of relationships. Although attorneys must maintain an emotional wall between their personal lives and litigation, we have a front row seat to the worst of the worst that the universe of relationships has to offer. Whether it be false allegations regarding custody, the hiding of assets or plain old-fashioned adultery, the issues confronted on a daily basis by divorce attorneys could make the romantic of us run the other way when it comes to relationships, marriage and children.



People ask me all the time: "Why are you single?" I believe that yes, after dealing with divorce litigation for close to fifteen years, I have become cautious about dating and relationships. Anyone looking at me would believe that I use the word "cautious" synonymously with "nonexistent". However, "cautious", to me, means that I would rather be alone than with the wrong person. If someone wants to "set me up" with a woman, I ask them about the potential date's relationship history, career, family, interests and why they believe we would hit As I listen to the answers (probably inadmissible hearsay in a court of law), the attorney in me begins to filter these answers through the "would any of this affect us as a couple in a future divorce". If I hear or project there to be any "issues", I reject the "set up" before it is even made.



Even when I have found myself in a relationship, it is usually set up to fail from the beginning (i.e. long distance with neither of us able to relocate; philosophical differences regarding child-rearing). Apparently, I am much more proficient at dissolving relationships than I am at creating them.



As such, I am making a concerted effort to improve my outlook on dating and relationships via therapy and meditation. I know many couples married for 25, 30 and even 50 years. Although it is not easy, relationships and marriages can and do work, so long as the parties put the work into them.



So, dear readers, it is now the point of this article where I seek to enlist your help. I am asking that you help this single, 43-year-old, guitar playing, tattooed, chivalrous divorce attorney find Ms. Right. I am open to meeting someone so long as they are able to come to New York for the date and have no aversion to my writing about the date(s) in this column. I put my relationship future in your hands dear readers -- until we meet again. As always, I can be reached at: douglas@kepanislaw.com



SMILE!!!

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The Limited Liability Company in Albania and Branch in Albania

By LPA Law Firm - Tirana, Albania

Register an LLC in Albania and register a Foreign Company Branch in Albania

Posting of Third Country Nationals to Malta: The Vander der Elst Application in Malta

By CSB Advocates - Swatar, Malta

As a matter of rule, individuals who are not citizens of an EU Member State (also known as Third Country Nationals-TCNs) must be in possession of an employment licence (also known as work permit), in order to both legally reside and work in Malta.

What Decisions Does the Judge Make in Divorce Cases?

By HG.org - Houston, Texas

A family law judge has a tremendous amount of power in divorce cases. He or she may make a variety of decisions that can impact spouses for years to come.

Belgium Lags Behind in Implementing the Single Permit Directive

By CSB Advocates - Swatar, Malta

The EU Commission has recently announced that to date Belgium has failed to transpose the Single Permit Directive (Directive 2011/98/EU) into its national law. Hence, the EU Commission referred Belgium to the EU Court of Justice in order to address the lack of progress in transposing this Directive.

How to Keep Your Job While Going Through a Divorce

"They're going to fire meeeeeee," my friend Mindy sobbed into the phone, so loud I had to pull it away from my ear to avoid going deaf.

"It's going to be okay," I assured her. Mindy had always been a strong lawyer with a good reputation.

"No, it's not!" she screeched. "My boss pulled me aside today as I was leaving..." she paused to blow her nose and take a shuddering breath, "and he told me that I needed to 'pull it together' or take some time off."

I sighed. I knew Mindy was going through a custody battle akin to World War II. "Min, what are you doing that your boss would say that?"

She sighed and blew her nose again. "I cried at my desk yesterday," she admitted. "And then, in a meeting... I didn't have my part of the presentation done. I've been late to work. I've... oh God a whole bunch of things. Look, I know you had a rough divorce and you... managed to keep it together." She hiccupped and sighed. "I need to know how you did it."

And here's what I told her:

One. Compartmentalize your life. When going through my divorce, my planner was my best friend. You can keep it in your phone, use your PC or (like me), do it the old-fashioned way and use one with actual paper. Either way, everything (yes, I mean that) got scheduled. Make dinner for tomorrow. Pick up kids from school. Prepare for Tuesday's meeting. Call the dentist. And of course, my favorite -- LMS. You can look at that planner and LMS was given a specific time every day. LMS specifically meant Losing My S**t. Which translated into crying, screaming in my car (yeah, I did it), cursing about my ex on the phone with my mother... anything that I needed to do that may have seemed irrational or completely off the hook if done at any other time. Most importantly, LMS cannot be done while at work. In the car on the drive home, in your kitchen while cooking dinner or even in bed after kids are asleep. But never, ever at the office. You may argue that you can't control when you lose it. But believe me, knowing you have a specific time that you can (and should) lose it actually helps. "I won't think about the papers Tom served on me now. I'll think about it at 6." File it away. Compartmentalize that because otherwise, it will take over every moment of your life.

Two. Be honest, but realistic. When I filed for divorce, I had a frank conversation with my boss about what was going on. When you chat with your supervisor, be realistic about the changes you're facing; whether those are time constraints or full schedule conflicts. If you foresee serious problems, ask if there is anyway for you to have a few hours extra one day a week, try to negotiate an earlier (or later) workday, an alternate schedule or simply see how much leeway you are going to have going through this period in your life. Smiling and telling everyone that you're "just fine," and it's business as usual might find you late at night still working at your desk, sobbing as you eat Nutella out of the jar while trying to finish a report. Not a pretty picture. If you don't have any leeway with your hours, then you will really need to...

Three. Enlist an army of support. If you now have to pick up kids from school at 3:30 p.m. and your workday doesn't end until 5:00 p.m., then you need to circle the wagons and rally the troops. Find other moms you know to help out, even if it's one day a week each. If you have family, ask them to lend a hand until you can work out something more permanent. If your kids need help with homework and you failed math, find out if there is after school student tutoring in the library. I used to work on spreadsheets as my kids got tutored in Science. Anything you can ask for help -- do it. Even if it's your mom who cooks dinner for you once a week; one less thing you have to do will help you keep your sanity.

You can make it through this difficult time without losing your mind -- or your job. And one day, one of your friends at work may stop by your desk and tearfully ask how you "kept it together." You can smile knowingly, pat her hand, and open your planner.

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Access to Genetic Resources and Sustainable Utilization in Colombia

By B&R Latin America IP LLC - Bogota, Colombia

When we think about the economic development of Colombia we have to consider the importance of the biological diversity that this country has and the need to manage it in a sustainable and balanced way in the light of the needs of today's world.

7 Reasons Marriage Is On the Decline

After the victory of same-sex marriages being legalized in all 50 states, I came across a quote: "I fully support any marriage that doesn't involve me."

I laughed because it resonated. At age 43, with one marriage and one divorce behind me, with a teenager on the loom, the last thing on my mind is marriage. We've all also noticed young people choosing to opt out of marriage in general and be in committed relationships without the government paperwork instead. Marriage is an institution that is slowly crumbling.

I'm not saying, "Be single; forget marriage; it's not all it's cracked up to be." To each his own and there are many factors that are beautiful in a marriage. But my thoughts are about why single-hood is so appealing to people nowadays and how marriage is increasingly seen as a burden rather than the beautiful bond it used to be.

1) The issue of choice:

As early as decades ago, it was expected that we would all get married, pop out babies and live in a home with the white picket-fence. It's been engrained in our psyches since childhood. But that simply is not an idea that appeals to some people. They may or not marry, but the choice has to be theirs, not because their parents, aunts, grandmothers and society are reminding them that the clock is ticking. Young people are finding immense power in the notion of having a choice.

2) The pressures and losing one's identity that come with marriage:

As independent as you may think you are, marriage is about give and take (and that's how it should be), but some people don't want to lose their independence and give so equally. These people should not be in a marriage because it doesn't work unless it's equal all the way through. Maybe women don't want to cook dinner, go to social functions, befriend their partners' friends. As I mentioned in my last blog on divorce, even in marriage, it's not just a piece of paper; the dynamics of your life change in every area. And once kids come into the picture, there goes even the shred of autonomy you have! Young people today want to live life to the fullest and not be bogged down by anything. After the honeymoon phase, reality hits and they realize that ti's not really what they signed up for.

3) Marrying for the sake of marrying:

When we settle into a marriage because we feel we have found someone "good enough," right away, we're doomed. You should never "settle" in a marriage or marry someone good enough. A marriage is a partnership and you can't have a good one if you have settled with your spouse because the time was right or you had dated for (x) number of years. Down the road, you'll see that you settled, that marriage wan't exactly what you had in mind and by then, it's too late: the destiny of at least two people will have been changed.

4) There are still too many gender roles in a marriage:

This once's so cut and dry that even Cinderella would be running away from putting on the glass slipper. Women are still expected to do most of the parenting aspects, cooking, cleaning, doing laundry, going grocery shopping, etc. On top of that, many women work. That's a lot to handle. So before you get into a marriage, make sure you are clear with your would-be spouse on how to break gender roles and handle household duties. (And yes, there are plenty of men who would.)

5) Working women:

Since the feminist movement, this is not a new concept. But women are increasingly reluctant to give up their careers to become housewives or stay-at-home moms, both of which are full-time an thankless jobs. They can also be immensely rewarding, but it is up to a woman to decide if that's what she wants or if it's thrown on her like a cloak after the ceremony. It is never Ok for your spouse to ask you to stop your goals and aspirations just because you are now Mrs. X.

6) Having kids out of wedlock is no longer seen the taboo it once was.

Couples can conceive or adopt a child and raise it together (or alone) without all the other aspects of marriage that come with it. Young people no long care "what people will say" and they're opting to choose to have babies but not husbands.

7) The need for freedom:

Whether as a wife or husband, you need freedom to pursue your interests, hobbies, and social engagements that don't involve your partner. I have seen way too many couples who are non-compatible in this area and I observe what I dub "married for the sake of being married." I revel in my single-hood when I'm around these married couples for extended periods of times. I see how much hostility, blame and just going-through-the-motions-type lives they are leading. Couples in their 40s act and sound like old married couples.

Marriage and growing old and sharing your life with someone can be beautiful. But I see two trends: marrying for all the wrong reasons and then one day regretting the decision and secondly, young people who no longer believe that you need to government and a five-star wedding to deem that you are each other's' soul mates.

If you're blissfully in love and think you are among the 50 percent who will stay together, by all means, go for it. But please have long, meaningful talks (and often) with your would-be spouse about your goals, responsibilities, dealbreakers, keeping your identity, etc. before you decide on the china pattern. A wedding is one night; a marriage, done right, is forever.

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Why Your Apology Wasn't Accepted (and How to Make Sure Your Next One Is)

Last week, a client told me that after a three-week stint of tension and arguments, her husband finally apologized for racking up credit card debt without telling her and apologized.

She promptly told him where to go and how to get there.

When talking about her reaction she explained:

I just couldn't be bothered. He was so monotone and flat. Sure, he said the words but there was no emotion behind his words, no sense of any real remorse. He didn't seem to get that I felt tricked, betrayed, and lied to. He just thought it was the same old argument about money

As toddlers, the repeated message is to say "you're sorry." As kids, we learn to parrot this phrase on cue whenever we make a mistake and we're led to believe that if we just say we're sorry that everything will be ok in the end. As adults, we learn quickly that just isn't true.

Apologizing and making amends is not as simple as just saying the words. If you've ever apologized and then found yourself trying to figure out why you are still in conflict, chances are that your apology missed the mark:

You Sang the Same Song on a Different Day.

Apologies quickly lose their worth when they aren't quickly followed by a change in behavior. If you're apologizing for the same thing over and over again, it doesn't matter how thoughtfully you apologize. No one is going to believe you until they see a change in you.

Thoughtful apologies should include a statement of intent: "I'm sorry I hurt your feelings. I spoke too quickly and my sarcasm ran away with me. I want to be more careful about what I joke about."

Your apologies will have more credibility when you acknowledge and say out loud that you recognize what needs to change.

The Intensity of Your Apology Didn't Match the Intensity of Your Actions.

That moment when you realize you really messed up can be awful, especially when it wasn't your intent to be hurtful or disrespectful. It's tempting to want to rush to get the whole thing over with and offer a speedy apology.

However, the size of your apology should match or exceed the size of your mistake. You can't apologize for yelling and swearing with the same casual air you offer when you bump into someone. If you really hurt someone, you have to really apologize!

• Be mindful of your body language, posture, word choice and word tone. You want to express empathy and concern.


• State clearly what you know your mistake to be


• Offer some understanding as to why you know it was hurtful or how the other person must have felt or been affected


• Without blaming the injured party, offer some explanation or insight as to what was going on for you when the mistake happened. What went wrong? What had you been thinking or feeling at the time.


• Offer the person an opportunity to share anything they might want to about how they were affected by what happened.

You Apologized Too Soon.

I struggle the most with this one. If I've acted out, been impulsive, or said something hurtful, I typically want to take it back and swallow my words immediately. I've been known to trip over myself offering hurried apologies in an effort to fix the damage as soon as possible. Although well-intentioned on my part, that's really more about me soothing myself from my guilt than by taking care of the other person.

Sometimes people need to stay mad for a while. They can't downshift from hurt to forgiveness in 60 seconds.

Try checking in with the person before launching in to your apology."I feel pretty lousy about what I just said. Can we talk about it?"

If the other person sees that you are respecting their experience by allowing them to have their reaction, they're more likely to listen more openly when they're ready.

You Came to the Conversation With Armor On.

It's so hard not to enter these tough talks defensively.

You're really putting yourself out there by apologizing and it's not unheard of that an injured party will try to make themselves feel better by making you feel worse. Of course you want to protect yourself from the sting that could come if your apology were rejected or from another round of conflict.

However, the only way that apologies work to clear the air is if they are done openly. It's vulnerable to apologize but if you try to avoid vulnerability, the other person will sense that and interpret you to again be caring more about yourself than them.

It Really is Too Little Too Late

Sometimes, you just don't show up in time. If you're going around and round on the same issue or are always fighting about the same thing, sometimes the other person is just done. If you're managing a chronic problem with someone, it helps to acknowledge that you get that it's chronic and how frustrating it must be to have the same conversation over and over again.

Sometimes, there will just be nothing you can do but by staying open, you're keeping the door open for improved communication, understanding, and connection.

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Divorce Confidential: Alimony -- Are You On The Hook?

Alimony. It's a hot button issue in divorce and something many individuals have a hard time dealing with after the breakup. It seems unfair, when one spouse is ordered to pay a hefty sum each month towards the daily living costs and lifestyle choices of their ex-spouse. These individuals are no longer connected, yet the financial obligation continues -- sometimes indefinitely. For many, a sense of relief and freedom is celebrated after the last and final alimony payment is made. Although unfortunate, alimony is a reality for most divorcing couples and cannot be avoided. So what do you need to know about alimony? Here are the basics and some tips on how to navigate this issue in your divorce:

1. How is Spousal Support Determined? There are several factors the courts will consider when ordering spousal support. Primarily, the court will look at both you and your spouse's gross monthly income. "Income" under California Family Code includes income from a wide variety of sources including commissions, salaries, royalties, wages, bonuses, dividends, and trust income among other things. Once gross income is determined for each spouse, the numbers are placed into an online support calculator that automatically generates the amount owed from one spouse to the other. The court will also look at the length of the marriage, which will determine the time a spouse is on the hook for alimony. In California the duration of marriage is tied to the duration of the spousal support obligation. If a marriage is less than 10 years, spousal support will not be ordered for longer than half the length of the marriage. If a marriage is over 10 years, a spouse may be required to pay alimony to an ex-spouse for an extended period -- sometimes an indefinite period -- of time. Speak to an attorney licensed in your state or country to determine how spousal support is determined and your exposure to this potential obligation.

2. Other Factors Considered By Courts: In ordering spousal support, the court may look at other factors like the standard of living during the marriage, the ability of the paying spouse to contribute to alimony and the supported spouse's capacity to earn money. Your age and health are also factors in alimony payments. If there is a history of domestic violence or criminal conviction, this will also be an important factor in whether spousal support is ordered by the court; if a spouse has been found to be a domestic violence perpetrator, it is unlikely s/he can then ask for alimony payments from the victim spouse. If you and your ex are on good terms and both agree to terms and conditions for alimony payments, then you may memorialize it in a written agreement. For example, if you have the ability to propose a buy-out for spousal support, that may be an option to avoid ongoing monthly payments to your ex.

3. Should You Refuse Alimony? One benefit of refusing alimony is the ability to cut ties with an ex and move forward with a clean slate. Others refuse alimony because they can support themselves. Some individuals feel that alimony is offensive to the modern adult. But whether you forego alimony is a personal decision. You may not have the option to forego alimony if you have not been employed for an extended period and it would be difficult for you to enter the workforce. If you receive alimony and have not worked for some time but would like to experience the challenges and successes of a career, you may want to use this opportunity to explore options and work towards entering back into the workforce. If you can work, a court may even require you to enter the workforce based on prior work experience, skill, and education.

This is only a quick summary of some issues related to spousal support; many other layers are associated with alimony in divorce. For example, if you are divorced and cohabitating with someone new and plan to get remarried, this may affect alimony payments. In California, if you remarry, alimony will cease. Keep in mind, if you are supporting an ex-spouse and your income reduces drastically to where you can't keep up with alimony payments, this is something to discuss with your attorney without delay. As with all legal aspects of a divorce, you should always make sure you are well-informed before making a decision or going to court.

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